Saturday, December 29, 2007

Poop Story As Promised

*Warning: graphic and explicit dookie story ahead. Jamal and Mom- you may want to skip this post!

Do you remember the days of 90210 and Melrose Place?
In the 90s, Monday nights were the highlight of my week. A group of us used to get together on these nights to watch the legendary shows.
My first born was even named after characters on Melrose Place...Sydney Taylor.
Anyway, one Monday night we all gathered at my friend, Christy's, apartment. We were in the middle of a particularly juicy episode, when it hit me. And when I mean it, I mean IT!
You have to understand, that back in those days I was far from regular. I was lucky to have one BM a week. If I happened to have two, it was like Christmas.
But I digress...
IT hit me, and I had to go.
I snuck off to the bathroom in Christy's bedroom and let it all out.
It was humongous, and hard as a rock. (Is this TMI??)
I flushed.
I flushed again.
Not only would it not go down, the toilet began to overflow.
I screamed for HH. Everyone joined him in inspecting my damage. My friend, Scott (who was not a stranger to my clogging up toilets) started gagging.
Christy did not own a plunger, so the group weighed in on the situation. There were many jokes made at my expense.
My previous poop catastrophes (sadly, this was not the first incident) were discussed at length (no pun intended) before HH got down to business...with a wire coat hanger.
My poor husband had to splice and dice. I think he may have even had to touch it:o
It was not pretty.
He scratched the porcelain, but he succeeded in getting that bad boy down.

To this day, I tend to be the butt (again, no pun intended) of all poop jokes around my family and friends.

*So as to keep me from feeling like a complete loser, I challenge each and every one of you bloggers out there to share your most embarrassing poop story... either in the comments section of this post, or on your blog. I know that Gayle will join me in this one...will you?????


theotherbear said...

Oh dude that is horrid.
I firmly believe that most toilet troubles such as this are caused by the style of flush in a north american toilet.
Australian toilets have the water level lower and have a hard flush of water, with a dual flush to select from - low water usage for things that might not need so much pressure, and higher for situations such as yours.
I could possibly make my fortune by moving to North America and selling Aussie dunnies.

SOUL: said...

E --- i laughed all the way through this... my husband thinks i am crazy ! all i can say is i can relate totally to this story. more than once.. while living with hubbys' folks several years ago--- this same occurrence seemed to happen almost weekly. it was horrible. i suppose the problem was medication related... but the humiliation took years to subside.
but anyhow... you told your story very well. kudos!

"toilet hell 9-0-pooh-1-0"?

Anonymous said...

Australians call toilets dunnies?! God, I love it!!

Your story? Cracked me up. I'm sorry. But, it's one of those "been there, done that" stories.

Hehe :)

Sniz said...

Girl, I think I'd rather die than let other people in on this sort of information. After I had my babies, I had this problem and the closest I got on sharing it with others is to say how long between each occurence, that stool softeners weren't working, and how I almost passed out from the pain when I finally was able to go! You are braver than I!

Household Executive said...

this was hilarious! what a guy HH is!

greengirlwannabe said...

the sad thing is that this story is NOT exaggerated. total truth :0
ee has many (& i mean MANY) stories just like this one. In fact, after an incident in my first house, she was banned from ever "taking a dump" at my house again!

JamalT said...

I couldn't help myself. I had to read this. This was one of the funniest things I have ever read. I would be too embarassed if that happened to me, I would have had to sneak out a window and pretend like I didn't know about it!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Great story! Awesome!
You already read some of my poop stories (I write them with you in mind, y'know)so I'm not sure if I could come with a new one just yet.

Maybe next time you could pray first. Then you could accurately use the term "Holy Crap", should the need arise.

We don't have a plunger in every bathroom, but we do keep a bottle of liquid dishwashing soap handy. If IT clogs, squirt some of the soap in there, wait about 15 minutes, flush again. It usually works well and won't scratch the porcelain.


CrazyDeb said...

Jamal asked me this morning if I'd read this and not sure how I missed it but came home to look. All I will say is, HH loves you very much! :o)

Terri and Bob said...

I can honestly say I don't have any poop stories but now I want one so I may have to do something drastic to get one.

Gayle said...

That was completely disgusting...I loved it!

I have to say I draw the line at telling my own poop stories. I personally find my kids and my hubbies much funnier (and safer) than my own. Can you believe I have poop-story rules?

Anonymous said...

Oh my! I can't believe you told that story! We just had a massive overflow of sewage coming out of our shower drain in the basement the day before Christmas Eve. We wanted to blame it on a city problem, but it turned out to be coming from a clog within the home. I think Scott has out done you one too many times! ha ha! I was actually thinking of that story as we were laughing about the fact that it was about to take over our house. OK..not so much laughing at the very moment. It took me about 15 min. to get past the gagging to get laughing. We saw your Mom , Dad and Aunt! Now we need to see you! One thing about that story is we knew he would it would last (the relationship, not the poop)if he could do that for you!

ConservaChick said...

Oh that is roo funny! I actually DID think of Gayle... and then you mentioned her. Perfect. ~Karlie